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I have been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several hardships, which I admire. However, she has been often taken by surprise by people. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her friends vanished then, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, and must have grasped better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Over the years, several close to her vanished and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, although she had been highly competent, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each retired so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my position in our friendship is to listen. I open discussion points and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. I try to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been planning a trip to a nation I've visited many times and resided in previously. My intention was to offer insights, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted my agreement with her choices. I've just come back from a month in that country she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, but I don't think she can grasp the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to resolution takes courage and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. It should be objective and clear and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute here. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Finally is to question ways you together going to change the dynamics between you."

Remember that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

She could ignore all you say, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative about themselves they're unable to release as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out like this before reflecting your perspective. And should you never reach a resolution, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were truthful.