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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {